Mastering the Art of Boundaries: A Pleasure Provider’s Guide
Ever found yourself nodding in agreement to a client or accepting a booking when you'd rather decline? Or ever gone beyond your limits, despite your body or mind signaling for rest? Trust me, setting boundaries is hard, and as a recovering people pleaser, sometimes scary. As providers, we aim for top-notch service to ensure our clients return, since repeat customers are crucial for consistent earnings. However, compromising your personal comfort or disrupting your routine can backfire.
Throughout my 10 years in the industry, I've gathered a few strategies for establishing strong, respected boundaries, and it wasn’t easy getting to this point. It was fraught with mental, emotional, and physical violations and this blog post can help you avoid the same fate. Recognizing what you're comfortable with from the outset is essential. Although this might not always align with everyone's expectations, it's far better than risking burnout.
Here's my personal approach to boundary-setting:
Know Your Limits
Start by understanding your boundaries. Recognize what sits well with you and what doesn't. And get specific so you can outline these boundaries during your booking process, and before a session begins. Here are a few places in your business where you can explore boundary setting.
On Your Website or Ads
Having listed hours and not operating outside of them (or at least not without a fee).
Only providing your email to maintain work-life balance.
Outlining proper etiquette when booking.
During Client Interactions
Not answering or responding to explicit inquiries.
Providing a FAQ on your website to limit time-wasting communication.
Having a scheduling platform so they can schedule at their leisure and not hem and haw.
Before & After Session
Knowing the places on your body that you don’t like being touched and communicating that.
Are there certain words, phrases, or styles of communication you don’t enjoy (i.e. aggressive or explicit language)?
Using a signal to begin and end sessions so as to stay mindful of time (i.e. playing a bell or a singing bowl).
People will do what you let them get away with, and your clients aren’t the guardians of your well-being; that responsibility is yours.
Communicate Clearly
Be transparent about your boundaries. When interacting with clients, consider creating response templates for commonly encountered situations that test your boundaries. This minimizes the stress of crafting on-the-spot replies. Moreover, mentally prepare for in-person boundary tests. Being crystal clear about your boundaries from the beginning is easier than attempting to adjust them later. While upselling is common in the industry, I like to maintain the container I set up.
Keep It Simple
A straightforward "no" can suffice. You don't owe detailed justifications for your boundaries, and a long-winded explanation often doesn't add value. From my experience, clarity, combined with a no-nonsense approach, usually garners respect, and since implementing this I have dealt with a lot less time-wasters. And remember, declining can still be done gracefully. If a client proposes a time outside my usual hours, I might respond: "Thank you for considering me! Unfortunately, that time doesn't work. How about [alternative time]? If not, I'd still love to find a mutual time slot."
Charge For The Inconvenience
In the realm of pleasure work, time and energy are your most valuable assets. It's important to discern genuine oversights from people playing in your face. Charging for out-of-the-ordinary requests or excess time isn't about being opportunistic; it's about self-respect and ensuring that clients value your business. When you step out of your comfort zone to accommodate special requests, make sure it's worth your while. Such charges underscore a message: I value my profession, and so should you. Consistency is also key; so make it the same for everyone. It can be tempting to let a regular or potential client during the slow season slide, but you’re not running a charity, you’re running a business. Act like it!
Don’t Risk Burn Out & Stick To Your Guns
You can’t be the best provider you can be when you’re uncomfortable, burnt out, and mentally and emotionally exhausted. With practice, setting and asserting boundaries becomes second nature. Clients who respect themselves value professionals who have clear boundaries and protocols. And those are the clients we want and love to serve.