How I Became A Sacred Intimate

I always knew that I had a purpose in life.

Even when I was very young I had a sense that I was different, tapped into some level of primal practicality, along with a sense of simple luxury. I’ve found the combination of the two difficult to reconcile until relatively recently. At the intersection of the two, I’ve found the word for it: Sensuality. 

You see, some people are lucky enough to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives. Others are driven by an elusive and abstract ‘purpose.’ Fortunately, and unfortunately, I fall into the latter camp. On one hand, there’s the clarity in knowing the feelings you want to evoke in others, and the change you want to see in the world around you. On the other hand, there’s the how. Due to what I’ve seen modeled via media, naturally, I thought that the best way to experiment and exploit my instinctive sensuality was to become an exotic dancer. 

I could delve into what being an exotic dancer taught me, but that's a long story and another blog post. Instead, I gleaned a steady, and clear insight: This can’t be all there is.

I have a certain nuance about me.

A subtlety that was lost in the strip club. My understated grace and fluidity drowned in a sea of neon and glitter. It was acrylic against keratin, candlelight against LED, and incense versus Japanese Cherry blossom. And in a way, I always lost. The strip club was made for a very curated type of girl, a girl I had always admired but never was and never will be.

The pandemic thrust me out of the strip club, and into online sex work, in which I learned a lot about myself. I discovered the boundaries I had abandoned years ago, the ones I didn’t get to develop since I graced my first stage at 19. I found them after having them crossed over and over again, from the comfort of my own home, behind a screen. Again I crossed myself in thought: This certainly can't be all there is. 

But on New Year's Day 2021, it started. It was late at night when I felt it for the first time, an unexplainable sensation that I felt physically and spiritually. A violent surge of energy that left me gasping for air on the floor. Nothing has really been the same since.

Naturally, I went looking for any and all information about what I had been experiencing, and I found exciting, confusing, exotic words such as kundalini, tantra, and Dakini. Eventually, my journey led me to tantric massage, where sensuality and spirituality are expressed through touch. I found I was gifted in physically interacting with others in a meaningful and transformative way, sending electric shocks in the bodies of some, and deep waves of warm calm over others.

I have continued in my search for more knowledge in mindful sensuality. Going as far as to attend the Urban Tantra Professional Training Program on Easton Mountain as of April 2022. Through countless books, conversations, and experiences with clients and friends alike, I have found a place where I feel both safe and empowered to explore my sensuality and help others find their own and I have discovered that it is through softness that we awaken to ourselves in ways never imagined before.